In two days I will be 53 years old. Unless I'm going to live to be 106, it's safe to say my life is more than half over. For the past 24 years I've been overweight and have suffered from several conditions interrelated with being overweight.
I've been on more diets than I care to mention and have spent a lot of money on diet programs, books, pills and supplements, and other products. And what do I have to show for all this effort? Nothing.
I haven't felt really good since I don't know when, and I've had a few health scares this year. I allowed my type-2 diabetes to go out of control because I don't want to be different--I want to eat like everyone else. I'd eat baked goods, candy, processed foods, and other junk, then freak out because my blood sugar readings would routinely run over 300. I couldn't seem to make the connection that what I put in my mouth was ruining my health
Finally I had enough. I want to be healthy, first and foremost, and am willing to do what it takes. Nine days ago I started a program called "The Body Knows" by Kay Sheppard. It is a planned, weighed/measured way of eating designed to overcome food addiction. I post my food everyday to the loop as a commitment to the plan. I eat three meals a day, plus a snack before bedtime. What amazes me is the amount of food I am eating. Four ounces of chicken might not sound like much, but weighed out, it's a substantial amount. I am not hungry between meals, and I've not been tempted so far to eat food that is not on my plan.
I had a doctor's appointment on Friday and he put me on a new insulin called Levemir. It's a long-acting insulin. Because of my new commitment to health, I'm not blowing off giving myself insulin like I have in the past. Between the insulin and my way of eating, my blood sugar levels have dropped dramatically. Two weeks ago, I was getting readings in the high 200s/low 300s. For the past three days they've been under 100. In fact, today my before-breakfast reading was 85 and my before-dinner reading was 86. Can't get much steadier than that!
I am taking this one day at a time. It would do me no good to think about what I can't have or to project it for the rest of my life. Just for today I choose to follow the plan and prayerfully tomorrow will make that same decision and commitment.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Right, Wrong, or Just Different
The incident I wrote about on June 3 is unresolved. Needless to say, this has me upset. I decided to write the woman a letter to make amends. Among other things I reminded her of our past history and told her that her friendship is very important to me and I hope we can resolve our differences. I have not received a response.
What hurts the most is that she made a lot of accusations, screamed and cursed at me, before she slammed down the phone. Her accusations centered around me not doing what I said I would do...and that was partly true. But it wasn't that I wasn't going to do them...I just hadn't done them YET. Perception's a crazy thing. She says, frantically, "we only have 7 more weeks!" whereas I say, calmly, "wow, we have a whole 7 weeks!" So the things I didn't do just did not seem pressing enough to spur me into action, whereas she was freaking out because there were still things on her "to do" list that weren't done. I am very sensitive in perceiving how people feel about me, and I have to admit I've never felt as if this woman liked me. Now I know why.
This cuts me right where I live because I am someone who works best at the last minute. Some may say I procrastinate, but it's not even that...it's that my energy and creativity don't get sparked until I feel pressure. I have tried all my adult life to be different, but have finally had to accept this is the way I am. To some, it might be a character flaw, but I am weary of 30+ years of striving to be something I am not, feeling bad about myself, letting others' comments define me, and instead choose to celebrate the uniqueness of me.
But there's still this niggling hurt that this woman thinks I'm unreliable, inefficient, lazy...all those bad things that go with someone who doesn't do what they say they will do. And yes, there have been times in my life where I've let people down, where I've forgotten to do something I said I would do, where I put it off until the last possible moment, then drive those around me crazy as I scramble to get it done. But I always come through. And sometimes the results of my last-minute efforts surpass those when I've spent a lot of time in planning and preparaton.
These thoughts make it hard for me to feel good about myself, in spite of my best efforts. But in the end, I don't think it's a matter of right/wrong but just being different. Could this possibly be the way I am wired to be? I'm beginning to think so because I've been trying for so many years to change without success. But the way I am is not, in the eyes of most people, a good way to be. I feel I should be more organized, more task-oriented, work well ahead of deadlines. And there are time that I am that way. I'm not a total goof-off! And when I'm working with people of like-mindedness as myself, things are great. It's just when I come up against these "git-r-done" types that I feel like a failure.
My spiritual gifts are those of encouragement, teaching, and shepherding. I am not "giftless"--I just lack the gift of administration, which seems to be valued over all, at least in my church. The Bible speaks of how the church works as a body, and each part is important. In our physical bodies we can lose "parts" and still function, just as in the church we can function without all our parts. But the body has to compensate: A deaf person needs to learn sign language. A blind person needs to learn braille. A church without all of its parts also needs to compensate. A church whose congregation is heavily populated with "doers" will have lots of programs and activities but often lacks deep meaningful relationships. People are just too busy to take time to talk, listen, and pray for and with others. Of course, a church filled with people who are not "doers" will lack for activities and programs and fellowship opportunites.
There really isn't a right or wrong, unless there's a moral issue involved. God did not create us all from the same mold, and He wants us to use the gifts He gave us to His glory and honor. If we could get to the point where we could each appreciate and value all gifts, there would be a lot more harmony in the church.
What hurts the most is that she made a lot of accusations, screamed and cursed at me, before she slammed down the phone. Her accusations centered around me not doing what I said I would do...and that was partly true. But it wasn't that I wasn't going to do them...I just hadn't done them YET. Perception's a crazy thing. She says, frantically, "we only have 7 more weeks!" whereas I say, calmly, "wow, we have a whole 7 weeks!" So the things I didn't do just did not seem pressing enough to spur me into action, whereas she was freaking out because there were still things on her "to do" list that weren't done. I am very sensitive in perceiving how people feel about me, and I have to admit I've never felt as if this woman liked me. Now I know why.
This cuts me right where I live because I am someone who works best at the last minute. Some may say I procrastinate, but it's not even that...it's that my energy and creativity don't get sparked until I feel pressure. I have tried all my adult life to be different, but have finally had to accept this is the way I am. To some, it might be a character flaw, but I am weary of 30+ years of striving to be something I am not, feeling bad about myself, letting others' comments define me, and instead choose to celebrate the uniqueness of me.
But there's still this niggling hurt that this woman thinks I'm unreliable, inefficient, lazy...all those bad things that go with someone who doesn't do what they say they will do. And yes, there have been times in my life where I've let people down, where I've forgotten to do something I said I would do, where I put it off until the last possible moment, then drive those around me crazy as I scramble to get it done. But I always come through. And sometimes the results of my last-minute efforts surpass those when I've spent a lot of time in planning and preparaton.
These thoughts make it hard for me to feel good about myself, in spite of my best efforts. But in the end, I don't think it's a matter of right/wrong but just being different. Could this possibly be the way I am wired to be? I'm beginning to think so because I've been trying for so many years to change without success. But the way I am is not, in the eyes of most people, a good way to be. I feel I should be more organized, more task-oriented, work well ahead of deadlines. And there are time that I am that way. I'm not a total goof-off! And when I'm working with people of like-mindedness as myself, things are great. It's just when I come up against these "git-r-done" types that I feel like a failure.
My spiritual gifts are those of encouragement, teaching, and shepherding. I am not "giftless"--I just lack the gift of administration, which seems to be valued over all, at least in my church. The Bible speaks of how the church works as a body, and each part is important. In our physical bodies we can lose "parts" and still function, just as in the church we can function without all our parts. But the body has to compensate: A deaf person needs to learn sign language. A blind person needs to learn braille. A church without all of its parts also needs to compensate. A church whose congregation is heavily populated with "doers" will have lots of programs and activities but often lacks deep meaningful relationships. People are just too busy to take time to talk, listen, and pray for and with others. Of course, a church filled with people who are not "doers" will lack for activities and programs and fellowship opportunites.
There really isn't a right or wrong, unless there's a moral issue involved. God did not create us all from the same mold, and He wants us to use the gifts He gave us to His glory and honor. If we could get to the point where we could each appreciate and value all gifts, there would be a lot more harmony in the church.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Why Can't We All Just Get Along?
In the past few weeks I have had several instances in my life of discord between individuals. In fact, just a few days ago I had a fairly nasty confrontation with a friend that left us both in tears. As I pondered the situation, as well as the others that I've been witnessing, it occurred to me that almost all of the stress and "drama" in our relationships stems from hurt feelings. And often those hurt feelings are due to a misunderstanding rather than being caused purposely.
In my case, it was a phone call that I failed to return due to an unfortunate oversight. The person thought I was blowing them off, so to speak, when in reality I only listened to half of the message and missed the part about calling her back. At work, a situation arose over a obliquely worded email. Some folks took it in a way it was not intended, and one misunderstanding led to another resulting in a lot of drama and hurt feelings before it finally got resolved several days later.
But how do we avoid getting hurt...and also avoid hurting others? Everything we say or do is potentially offensive to someone. We say something in a joking tone, but the other person hears an insult. We may be lost in thought as we walk down the hall at work and not notice a coworker walking past us. Because we did not acknowledge them, they may think we're a snob or that we don't like them. Sometimes a friend tells us about an outing they had with another friend, and we are hurt that we were not included. And sometimes just our differences drive each other crazy. The type-A driven workaholic gets frustrated with the type-B laid-back social butterfly. The type-A thinks type-B is lazy, slacking off, while the type-B can't understand what all the fuss is about.
When we unintentionally hurt someone, we often think they're being too thin-skinned and sensitive. And if we're perfectly honest, we have to admit sometimes we are, too. In my own life I've had to work really hard to squelch the pangs of jealousy and envy, to not feel excluded, to work on overcoming my insecurities so I can relate to others out of a strong, honest place. It's become second nature to me now, and I marvel at the transformation God has allowed to happen in my life as I am able and willing to extend grace and forgiveness, to overlook offenses and make my best attempt at reconciliation and restoration. People are more important to me than my "agenda." I no longer have to prove myself to be right, but instead extend the love of Jesus to those who have offended me.
With regard to the run-in I had a few days ago, I have to admit it hurt and I spent a good bit of time in tears. But I felt compelled to pray for this woman and as I did, God gave me some insight into the situation and I was able to turn my hurt and anger into compassion and a desire to make amends.
My prayer is that by example I will be able to encourage others to overlook offenses, forgive, extend grace, and reconcile and restore broken relationships.
In my case, it was a phone call that I failed to return due to an unfortunate oversight. The person thought I was blowing them off, so to speak, when in reality I only listened to half of the message and missed the part about calling her back. At work, a situation arose over a obliquely worded email. Some folks took it in a way it was not intended, and one misunderstanding led to another resulting in a lot of drama and hurt feelings before it finally got resolved several days later.
But how do we avoid getting hurt...and also avoid hurting others? Everything we say or do is potentially offensive to someone. We say something in a joking tone, but the other person hears an insult. We may be lost in thought as we walk down the hall at work and not notice a coworker walking past us. Because we did not acknowledge them, they may think we're a snob or that we don't like them. Sometimes a friend tells us about an outing they had with another friend, and we are hurt that we were not included. And sometimes just our differences drive each other crazy. The type-A driven workaholic gets frustrated with the type-B laid-back social butterfly. The type-A thinks type-B is lazy, slacking off, while the type-B can't understand what all the fuss is about.
When we unintentionally hurt someone, we often think they're being too thin-skinned and sensitive. And if we're perfectly honest, we have to admit sometimes we are, too. In my own life I've had to work really hard to squelch the pangs of jealousy and envy, to not feel excluded, to work on overcoming my insecurities so I can relate to others out of a strong, honest place. It's become second nature to me now, and I marvel at the transformation God has allowed to happen in my life as I am able and willing to extend grace and forgiveness, to overlook offenses and make my best attempt at reconciliation and restoration. People are more important to me than my "agenda." I no longer have to prove myself to be right, but instead extend the love of Jesus to those who have offended me.
With regard to the run-in I had a few days ago, I have to admit it hurt and I spent a good bit of time in tears. But I felt compelled to pray for this woman and as I did, God gave me some insight into the situation and I was able to turn my hurt and anger into compassion and a desire to make amends.
My prayer is that by example I will be able to encourage others to overlook offenses, forgive, extend grace, and reconcile and restore broken relationships.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Self-Acceptance
May 15-18 was our Tres Dias community's women's weekend retreat. This was my eighth time serving on team for these weekends.
One of the ways we show agape love in Tres Dias is through notes and cards of encouragement to each other. In past years, I'd read the cards, think they were sweet, and lay them aside. This year, God whispered to me: "Linda, read each card--really read the words others have written to you. This reflects how they see you but also who you are." In the past I would read them with an attitude that the writer felt compelled to write something nice and I didn't take it personally. In fact, sometimes, to my shame, I'd sense a patronizing tone, "aw, poor Linda, what can I say to make her feel good?" But this year as I read the cards as God directed me, I saw a thread weaving through them...and I saw myself. Remember the line the Scottish poet Robert Burns wrote, loosely translated: If only we had the gift to see ourselves as others see us." I would add to really know how others feel about us.
A friend gave me a spiral-bound scrapbook, and I pasted all of my cards in it. As I read over each card again, it was like a love letter given to me by God. But it was also a mirror that reflected how my friends feel about me and, in essence, who I am. The thread that ran through spoke of the encouragement and support I give to my friends, my happy personality, the kindness I show to others, and my faithfulness to God. And yes, this is who I am. I grieve all the years of my life I wasted trying to be like others when God wanted to--and could--use me just the way I am without me having to change.
It's been so hard for me to simply accept myself, but I'm making progress. I'm learning it's OK to be me. And as I move forward, being set free from the insecurities and attitude of inferiority that's plagued me most of my life, the joy, peace, and happiness that fills my soul is indescribable. I have a feeling of freedom that allows the real me to shine through. I can just BE without needing someone else's permission or approval.
One of the desires of my heart is to use my experience as a witness and testimony to minister to women who struggle with being themselves, who worry about what others think of them, whose lives are lived in the bondage of fear they cannot be accepted the way they are.
One of the ways we show agape love in Tres Dias is through notes and cards of encouragement to each other. In past years, I'd read the cards, think they were sweet, and lay them aside. This year, God whispered to me: "Linda, read each card--really read the words others have written to you. This reflects how they see you but also who you are." In the past I would read them with an attitude that the writer felt compelled to write something nice and I didn't take it personally. In fact, sometimes, to my shame, I'd sense a patronizing tone, "aw, poor Linda, what can I say to make her feel good?" But this year as I read the cards as God directed me, I saw a thread weaving through them...and I saw myself. Remember the line the Scottish poet Robert Burns wrote, loosely translated: If only we had the gift to see ourselves as others see us." I would add to really know how others feel about us.
A friend gave me a spiral-bound scrapbook, and I pasted all of my cards in it. As I read over each card again, it was like a love letter given to me by God. But it was also a mirror that reflected how my friends feel about me and, in essence, who I am. The thread that ran through spoke of the encouragement and support I give to my friends, my happy personality, the kindness I show to others, and my faithfulness to God. And yes, this is who I am. I grieve all the years of my life I wasted trying to be like others when God wanted to--and could--use me just the way I am without me having to change.
It's been so hard for me to simply accept myself, but I'm making progress. I'm learning it's OK to be me. And as I move forward, being set free from the insecurities and attitude of inferiority that's plagued me most of my life, the joy, peace, and happiness that fills my soul is indescribable. I have a feeling of freedom that allows the real me to shine through. I can just BE without needing someone else's permission or approval.
One of the desires of my heart is to use my experience as a witness and testimony to minister to women who struggle with being themselves, who worry about what others think of them, whose lives are lived in the bondage of fear they cannot be accepted the way they are.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Mary and Martha
Luke 10:38-42 - As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
I am a Mary in a Martha world. Most women I know are Marthas, and I am in awe of them. I've been to many, many functions over the years and there is always a group of ladies who instinctively know what to do and how to do it. Me, I stand there confused, wondering where to start and trying to figure out the order of preparation. I need to be directed and told what to do.
I've read the above scripture many times and almost always come away feeling like a failure that I'm not a Martha. Even though Jesus commended Mary for having her priorities straight, the world around us wants industrious workers, those who will "git-r-done." We Marys often get the evil eye from the Marthas because they think we are not pulling our fair share. I don't want people to think badly of me, so that has made me work even harder to act like a Martha.
The other day, though, as I was reflecting on this scripture, I realized it wasn't about the work. It was about attitudes and priorities. While it's true the Marthas of this world work hard and accomplish much, their priorities are misplaced. Tasks become the overruling thing in their life, and they shut people out because they have too much to do. People take second place behind chores, and if a spontaneous fellowship opportunity arises, the Martha-type often says no because it wasn't on her calendar. In addition, Martha-types often have a martyr complex, getting irritated that they have to do the work while the Mary-types sit and chat with a friend. You often hear a Martha-type wailing, "It's not fair!"
For a Mary-type woman, people always come first. Chores can wait; the work will be there later--although sometimes she will regret putting it off. A last-minute call from a friend to meet for dinner will almost always be doable to a Mary-type. I cannot speak for all the Marys of the world, but I know that when I work on a project or event, I almost always do it willingly and cheerfully, not expecting help or resenting the lack of assistance or wanting any kind of glory or attention.
Marys are not lazy, they just have different priorities than Marthas. And Marthas aren't always remote and detached--they can and do take time to be with people. It's just that for them the work needs to be done first and fellowship needs to be scheduled. Being a Mary is not an excuse for inaction or idleness! Marys do need to help where needed and not refuse to act because they aren't a Martha.
Marthas and Marys are just wired differently. Marys are easily distracted and may seem to lack focus because they are people-oriented. Marthas are busy-busy-busy and may seem remote because their mind is on their work, not conversation. Marys like to have fun while they work; Marthas see fun as an indication the work isn't getting done or the person isn't taking their work seriously.
I would love to see harmony exist between Marys and Marthas. Martha would not get mad because Mary isn't helping as much as she thinks is fair and would do the work cheerfully and willingly. Mary would not get mad because Martha is critcizing her and complaining about her to others. Mary would not use her personality to get out of work but would always be ready to lend a helping hand. Martha would realize that Mary performs a ministry by being able to listen to others and offer encouragement, hope, strength, and grace. Mary would appreciate all the hard work Martha does to make an event happen.
In the end, Jesus commended Mary for choosing what is better. He wasn't saying that not helping Martha was the better thing or that not working is preferable to working. He was saying that spending time with Him was the most important thing. Martha was so caught up in preparations that she ignored just Who was a guest in her home. Have you ever had a dinner party and worked so hard on preparations that after the guests go home, you realize you really didn't enjoy their company? That would be a Martha-thing.
The Marys and Marthas of the world both perform a necessary service. My prayer is that we may learn to live in harmony, meshing together our gifts to show Jesus to a lost and hurting world.
I am a Mary in a Martha world. Most women I know are Marthas, and I am in awe of them. I've been to many, many functions over the years and there is always a group of ladies who instinctively know what to do and how to do it. Me, I stand there confused, wondering where to start and trying to figure out the order of preparation. I need to be directed and told what to do.
I've read the above scripture many times and almost always come away feeling like a failure that I'm not a Martha. Even though Jesus commended Mary for having her priorities straight, the world around us wants industrious workers, those who will "git-r-done." We Marys often get the evil eye from the Marthas because they think we are not pulling our fair share. I don't want people to think badly of me, so that has made me work even harder to act like a Martha.
The other day, though, as I was reflecting on this scripture, I realized it wasn't about the work. It was about attitudes and priorities. While it's true the Marthas of this world work hard and accomplish much, their priorities are misplaced. Tasks become the overruling thing in their life, and they shut people out because they have too much to do. People take second place behind chores, and if a spontaneous fellowship opportunity arises, the Martha-type often says no because it wasn't on her calendar. In addition, Martha-types often have a martyr complex, getting irritated that they have to do the work while the Mary-types sit and chat with a friend. You often hear a Martha-type wailing, "It's not fair!"
For a Mary-type woman, people always come first. Chores can wait; the work will be there later--although sometimes she will regret putting it off. A last-minute call from a friend to meet for dinner will almost always be doable to a Mary-type. I cannot speak for all the Marys of the world, but I know that when I work on a project or event, I almost always do it willingly and cheerfully, not expecting help or resenting the lack of assistance or wanting any kind of glory or attention.
Marys are not lazy, they just have different priorities than Marthas. And Marthas aren't always remote and detached--they can and do take time to be with people. It's just that for them the work needs to be done first and fellowship needs to be scheduled. Being a Mary is not an excuse for inaction or idleness! Marys do need to help where needed and not refuse to act because they aren't a Martha.
Marthas and Marys are just wired differently. Marys are easily distracted and may seem to lack focus because they are people-oriented. Marthas are busy-busy-busy and may seem remote because their mind is on their work, not conversation. Marys like to have fun while they work; Marthas see fun as an indication the work isn't getting done or the person isn't taking their work seriously.
I would love to see harmony exist between Marys and Marthas. Martha would not get mad because Mary isn't helping as much as she thinks is fair and would do the work cheerfully and willingly. Mary would not get mad because Martha is critcizing her and complaining about her to others. Mary would not use her personality to get out of work but would always be ready to lend a helping hand. Martha would realize that Mary performs a ministry by being able to listen to others and offer encouragement, hope, strength, and grace. Mary would appreciate all the hard work Martha does to make an event happen.
In the end, Jesus commended Mary for choosing what is better. He wasn't saying that not helping Martha was the better thing or that not working is preferable to working. He was saying that spending time with Him was the most important thing. Martha was so caught up in preparations that she ignored just Who was a guest in her home. Have you ever had a dinner party and worked so hard on preparations that after the guests go home, you realize you really didn't enjoy their company? That would be a Martha-thing.
The Marys and Marthas of the world both perform a necessary service. My prayer is that we may learn to live in harmony, meshing together our gifts to show Jesus to a lost and hurting world.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Weight Loss & Exercise
Things seem to be coming together in my mind with regard to taking control of my eating and exercise. Not that I'm perfect, but I'm more mindful and aware of my choices and responsibility to take care of myself. I went to the grocery store this afternoon, and I did fairly well with regard to what I bought. On the way home I was thinking of how over the past 20+ years I never really had a firm, concrete, achievable goal. It was always a nebulous wish or hope rather than a planned goal. So I decided to do two things: (1) make a list of things I wish to achieve by losing weight and (2) make a list of things I've lost over the years because of being overweight.
What I want to achieve:
(1) Have more energy
(2) Not have to take prescription meds
(3) Be more graceful in my movements
(4) Not have to buy clothes in the womens' department
(5) Wear clothes that look nice on me; go for style instead of comfort only
(6) Be able to wear jeans
(7) Be able to participate in life instead of sitting on the sidelines because I'm too fat/too out of shape to play sports, get on amusement park rides, go canoeing or paddleboating, etc.
(8) Be able to squat, sit on the ground, cross my legs, get out of a sports chair on the first try, kneel, sit cross-legged, bend over, put things on my lap, fit into a booth at a restaurant.
What I've lost:
(1) Social opportunities because I was too tired to join in
(2) Sharing clothes with Melinda
(3) Fitting through tight spaces, like between clothing racks in department stores. I have to keep to the aisles.
(4) Money I've spent on weight-loss programs, supplements, books, etc., that increased my head knowledge but had no effect on my physical self.
(5) A little bit of myself each time I was publicly embarrassed because of my size. Like when I picked Melinda up from a friend's house--her parents were sitting on the porch and I went to sit on an old settee. The dad jumped up and pulled another chair over for me, obviously because he was afraid my weight would break the settee.
(6) Pride in my appearance. No matter how much I try to convince myself I look good--I know I don't.
(7) Peace of mind that I have good health
(8) The shame of seeing the words "moribdly obese" on my medical chart and receiving a letter from my health benefits organization that I'm "at risk" and need to go through a telephone counseling program to continue to receive a discount on my contribution for my health insurance.
Well, maybe not complete lists, but definitely a good start. I had someone tell me yesterday that she believes things will come together for me because I sound focused. I've had others tell me I sound more serious about losing weight and getting in shape than I have before. I'm praying they are right, and that I can take all I know and put it into practice.
What I want to achieve:
(1) Have more energy
(2) Not have to take prescription meds
(3) Be more graceful in my movements
(4) Not have to buy clothes in the womens' department
(5) Wear clothes that look nice on me; go for style instead of comfort only
(6) Be able to wear jeans
(7) Be able to participate in life instead of sitting on the sidelines because I'm too fat/too out of shape to play sports, get on amusement park rides, go canoeing or paddleboating, etc.
(8) Be able to squat, sit on the ground, cross my legs, get out of a sports chair on the first try, kneel, sit cross-legged, bend over, put things on my lap, fit into a booth at a restaurant.
What I've lost:
(1) Social opportunities because I was too tired to join in
(2) Sharing clothes with Melinda
(3) Fitting through tight spaces, like between clothing racks in department stores. I have to keep to the aisles.
(4) Money I've spent on weight-loss programs, supplements, books, etc., that increased my head knowledge but had no effect on my physical self.
(5) A little bit of myself each time I was publicly embarrassed because of my size. Like when I picked Melinda up from a friend's house--her parents were sitting on the porch and I went to sit on an old settee. The dad jumped up and pulled another chair over for me, obviously because he was afraid my weight would break the settee.
(6) Pride in my appearance. No matter how much I try to convince myself I look good--I know I don't.
(7) Peace of mind that I have good health
(8) The shame of seeing the words "moribdly obese" on my medical chart and receiving a letter from my health benefits organization that I'm "at risk" and need to go through a telephone counseling program to continue to receive a discount on my contribution for my health insurance.
Well, maybe not complete lists, but definitely a good start. I had someone tell me yesterday that she believes things will come together for me because I sound focused. I've had others tell me I sound more serious about losing weight and getting in shape than I have before. I'm praying they are right, and that I can take all I know and put it into practice.
National Day of Prayer
I don't know how many of you heard about the brouhaha with the National Day of Prayer on Thursday. First of all, Ravi Zacharias was the honorary chairman, but apparently he was advised by the NDP Task Force not to pray in the name of Jesus so not to offend any non-Christians who were participating. And he didn't--which was very disappointing to me because I have the utmost respect for him as an apologetic for the Christian faith. This is from Liberty Counsel attorney Mat Staver: "There are recent indications that some with the Task Force may be bowing to pressures to try not “offend” non-Christians by praying in Jesus’ name. Honorary Chairman Ravi Zacharias plans to deliver a prayer at an interdenominational National Day of Prayer event in Washington, D.C. Instead of invoking Jesus’ name, his written prayer concludes, “In God’s Holy Name.”
Then, Rabbi Bruce Lustig prayed an inclusive prayer, saying: "No matter our creed, our color, our income or our status in life, whether Christian, Muslim, Jew, Sikh, Buddhist or Jain, before the Eternal, we are all equal in God’s eyes, we are equal in prayer, for through prayer, God can and will be our strength, and our shield, and our help.”
There's also a movement to "reclaim" the National Day of Prayer because the evangelicals have been accused of 'hijacking' the day for their own purposes. A group called Jews on First has sent out the following message: "The National Day of Prayer has been hijacked! What began in 1952 as President Truman's declaration of a National Prayer Day for all Americans is now excluding and dividing us on religious lines. The "Task Force" excludes Jews, Muslims, Catholics and even mainline Christians from participation in the events it coordinates around the country. Many of those events are staged in government venues with elected officials, in a deliberate affront to the separation of church and state."
Christians, we are under attack!! Jesus said to Thomas in John 14:6: "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." Unfortunately, that scripture has become extremely politically incorrect in our world today. The name of Jesus is being censored in its proper usage but broadcast in its profane usage. And it's OK for the Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, etc., to pray and worship according to their beliefs and practices...but there is a definite effort to prevent Christians from doing the same. It is a sad state of affairs when people are afraid to proclaim the name of Jesus, their Lord and Savior, for fear of offending someone or for fear of what may happen to them.
Psalm 56:11: In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
Psalm 118:6: The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
Hebrews 13:6: So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
We need to be in prayer for those who cower before man and deny the name of Jesus.
Then, Rabbi Bruce Lustig prayed an inclusive prayer, saying: "No matter our creed, our color, our income or our status in life, whether Christian, Muslim, Jew, Sikh, Buddhist or Jain, before the Eternal, we are all equal in God’s eyes, we are equal in prayer, for through prayer, God can and will be our strength, and our shield, and our help.”
There's also a movement to "reclaim" the National Day of Prayer because the evangelicals have been accused of 'hijacking' the day for their own purposes. A group called Jews on First has sent out the following message: "The National Day of Prayer has been hijacked! What began in 1952 as President Truman's declaration of a National Prayer Day for all Americans is now excluding and dividing us on religious lines. The "Task Force" excludes Jews, Muslims, Catholics and even mainline Christians from participation in the events it coordinates around the country. Many of those events are staged in government venues with elected officials, in a deliberate affront to the separation of church and state."
Christians, we are under attack!! Jesus said to Thomas in John 14:6: "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." Unfortunately, that scripture has become extremely politically incorrect in our world today. The name of Jesus is being censored in its proper usage but broadcast in its profane usage. And it's OK for the Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, etc., to pray and worship according to their beliefs and practices...but there is a definite effort to prevent Christians from doing the same. It is a sad state of affairs when people are afraid to proclaim the name of Jesus, their Lord and Savior, for fear of offending someone or for fear of what may happen to them.
Psalm 56:11: In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
Psalm 118:6: The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
Hebrews 13:6: So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
We need to be in prayer for those who cower before man and deny the name of Jesus.
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